Songwriter Confessions #4
By Bill Dollar, Sat Dec 10th
Once a recording studio reaches a certain size, it has to have astudio cat. That seems to be Nature's unwritten law and youresist it at your peril. It happens as you're unwrapping the newLexicon reverb unit that will take you up to the next level ofsound. Before the carton has been cleared away, there is ascratching at the studio door. And you really don't have any sayabout the applicant. Apparently there is some mystical studiocat network, and when that unheard alarm goes off, Ma Naturepicks the kitty and sends it to the door. On this particular morning, I opened the door and there wasMacca, alias Mac Daddy, alias the self-propelled wrecking crew. Scat!: I said and cat strolled past me and boinged onto myfavorite chair where it proceeded to chew the corners off theguitar tuner.
I reached for the pliers to pull its teeth out. A moment later Iwas nursing four bloody slashes on the back of my hand. Wedecided to call it a draw. Well, the cat did, actually. So Macca became the studio cat, which excused him from catchingmice, lizards or preying mantises, but gave him time to run upand down the curtains, get hopelessly tangled in the midicables, and slurp lukewarm coffee from my Graceland mug whileI'm fetching a blank CD from the cupboard. He can also be heardon a couple of songs, hacking up a furball solo in thebackground. I've even got him slamming the window on a track called This isMy List which you can hear on the website. The vocal was so goodI didn't want to do it again, but I did make him sign a royaltywaiver. He used up eight lives all at once one afternoon when I answeredthe phone in the middle of a multi-harmony overdub. From thecorner of my eye, I saw him flash up onto the console where hetook turns pushing those cute little faders up or down whilestepping on the PC keyboard at random. Smoke started coming fromthe speakers. I launched myself backwards . The back of my chairhit the mixer. The entire structure of 24 track mixer, keyboardand rack of reverbs,compressors and valve pre-amps startedheading for the floor. Luckily my chair tipped me onto thefloor, so most of the equipment landed on my neck. The cat wentsailing out the door and through several time zones beforelanding in the bushes. Thirty sweaty minutes later, I had everything back in place andthe Valium was starting to kick in. There was a scratching atthe door. Opening it, I found Macca with a peace offering. Thereare so many things you can do in a studio with a freshly killedmouse. I said: OK but the mouse stays outside and-a one two three Copyright © Bill Dollar 2005 About the author:Bill Dollar is a survivor of the record company wars. Hecurrently lives on a small farm somewhere in the southernhemisphere, amongst cats,dogs and cobras.He writes songs helikes, because he's not hearing anything worthwhile on theradio. Hear what Bill calls music:http://www.billdollarmusic.com
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